Sunday, February 10, 2013

Absence Does Not Make a Blog Post (Better)

Did I mention Bigbad got in to Folger Library seminar for this semester?  Because I am super proud of him!  He gets to go to D.C. every week geeking out with other grad students who are into all that nerdy Shakespeare stuff too.  I'm thrilled for him that he's found his people, the people who will listen to him ramble on about some of his research foci and not pretend snore (not that I ever do that).  He's an amazing guy and deserves this opportunity because I know he will gain so much knowledge and experience.
Does this place not remind you of Hogwarts?  Crazy in awe of the architecture from the pictures Bigbad sent me from his cell phone.  The top two are for an assignment he was working on.  I'll have to let Bigbad describe the book.  I got the impression it was sort of 17th century burn book with quotes and misogynist jokes.

But this is his first week gone.  And let me take the time to set up my pity party for one over here.   I miss him something fierce.  I know I'm going to get the eye rolls from some folks who think I'm pathetic, but Bigbad is the Simon to my Alex.  It isn't co-dependency because I can pump my own gas and we don't share the same email address (I still find that so weird).  It's only we are used to each other's company.  When we taught at the same schools, we were rarely apart.  So it feels so strange knowing that about a third of our week will now be spent in separate states.

I have carefully constructed a schedule for the first few weeks to keep me busy, to keep my mind off of his absence.  I've been doing tons of school work (blech), going to the gym, following that with a bourbon bacon cheeseburger (the only logical move after burning off calories), and getting lost in the wormholes of Teen Mom gossip.  And this lonely valentine will work late at a hockey game.

I just wanted to apologize for a lot of the radio silence.  I'm missing that guy, I'm thinking about him, and I'm trying to pack in lots of distractions.  Trust me, you would not want an actual blog post from me right now because I'm detailing my dreams in excruciating details to family and co-workers, trying to get them to analyze the crazy and detailing my lunch (ala Marshall and Lily) because hey it was really good.  But I'll spare you all that nonsense.

I'll be back to normal soon as I settle into this new schedule.  A pity party can't rage on forever.  And I apologize for any melodrama.  Those in long distance relationships or dealing with deployments certainly have my sympathy, and I admire the grace with which they handle separation (real separation).  I need to adapt to this absence by training myself that aloneness is not loneliness, and aloneness allows me opportunities (maybe not as grand and elaborate as Folger, but opportunities all the same) that I don't have when Bigbad is here.  I like this video a lot.  It gives me some ideas.
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3 comments so far. What are your thoughts?

BigBad said...

The book is a common-place book from 1614, which is simply a conglomeration of passages, poems, thoughts, sermons, news, observations, etc. that struck the owner(s) of the book. Mine (the one I'm studying) was clearly owned by multiple people with some seriously awesome handwriting, and the misogyny should not be taken out of context, though it's still pretty bad (one particular passage states, "Unnecessary jealousies make more whores thn all baits / else laid to entrapp womens frailties."). My favorite line thus far as been simply, "Time weareth all things downe but truth."

Like Smallgood, I too have many distractions to help me keep my mind off missing her something awful too. It hits hardest when I try to go to bed; in my half-asleep torpor, I reach out to hold her and bang my hand into the wall of the playroom I'm squatting in.

Just Jaime said...

Aw! I totally feel your pain. My husband has a school trip coming up and I'm already missing him!

Smallgood said...

@Just Jaime- I was doing the same thing, telling him I miss him and he hadn't even left yet. Good luck to you both!

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